Time for Tea
by Marie Marshall
I don’t usually write doggerel, but this morning someone (who makes her tea by putting a teabag into a cup of cold water and heating it in the microwave) challenged me to write a poem in five minutes, instructing Americans how to make a decent cup of tea. The verses below took a little longer than five minutes and are fairly creaky, but they’ll do, with a downhill slope, a following wind, and a shove.
“The contrabanders took our stock
Of tea, and dumped it in the dock
At Boston!” spluttered Royal George,
As anger raised his Royal Gorge.
Lord North replied, “It gets much worse
– enough to make a bishop curse.
They never ever warm the pot
With water that is boiling hot,
Stand for three minutes, pour it out
Quite slowly, to heat up the spout;
Two spoons of English Breakfast ‘tay’
And one heaped likewise of Earl Grey
Into the pot, then pour more water
Hot as Herodias’s daughter,
Leave it to stand, put out a jug
Of milk, also a china mug
(Likewise pre-heated, as the pot,
With water that is boiling hot;
There is a slight controversy –
Add tea to milk, or milk to tea?
It really is a case of taste –
Just never let heat go to waste!)
And don’t forget the bowl and tongs
For sugar. This array belongs
To Britain! It’s the only way
To make a British cup of ‘tay’
The Yankees’ tea’s a bloody joke –
Colonials? Let them drink coke!
King George burst out, “How do they make it?
Look… tell me, Freddie… I can take it!”
Lord North replied to him, “God Save
Your Majesty – the microwave!”
(I’ll get my coat…)
Marie Marshall 
Perhaps you need a refresher
of the western tar and feather!
If western tar and western feather
Is half as good as western blether,
Well, then the mighty Rio Grand
Will flow from ocean into land!
😀
(But some colonials do it proper –
On final point don’t don’t come a cropper!
From kettle, too, pre-heat the cup
Before with tea they fill it up.)
I was trying to do it in five minutes, you know!
*shakes head* There can be no excuse for the omission of such a vital part of the ritual.
Of course, there is also the incantation: “Wanlamportoo?’
Better? (see edit)
One spoon for each one for the pot
(And don’t forget the pot is hot)
The ritual’s not all the thing
For pauper, peasant, Lord or King
It’s more important, and by far
Whoe’er you be where’er you are
That everytime you make some “tay”
The glorious liquid tastes OK!!!
Where’s the rest of this, Jeff?
I make the best mug of chai tea that has ever been. On the regular. No rhymes needed. 😉
I enjoyed your verse. 🙂